A Real Trip

I used to write home about all of the embarrassing things that happened to me. My family would like this one -

I was putting gas in the car and decided to step over the hose and wave to my daughter in her carseat in the backseat. I cleared one leg, but my back leg hooked on the hose and I started falling. I kept shaking it and raising it to get it loose, but it wouldn't come free!

So not only am I tripping in a gas station with all these people around, but I'm also terrified that I'm going to rip the hose out of the car and spray gas everywhere. At the last second when I realized I was going to fall for reals, that all the leg manipulations weren't going to free my leg, I saw the luggage rack on top of the car and grabbed for it. I got it!

I held on for dear life, and managed to hang on through my impact with the side of the car. I ended up face flat against the car, dangling from my one arm, foot still caught on the hose.

My daughter wasn't the only one laughing at me.

It was okay though - because I had the most embarrassing moment of my life in high school, and I don't think I will ever top it. I was lined up to get the rebound from the other team's free throw at a big high school basketball game. I thought I saw her shoot the ball, and started to go into the key. She hadn't let it go though, and I didn't want her to get a free shot. I figured if I kept my feet on the floor I could lean in a little and catch myself on my feet a second later when she shot.

She never shot the ball.

I just slowly...
slowly...
fell into the key and landed on my hands.

My coach fell off the bench laughing. Everyone in the stands was laughing. They had to stop the game because the refs were laughing. The girl didn't make her shot because she couldn't stop laughing. The coach got it on VHS and played it for all his classes. The whole school laughed.

At least after all that I don't get truly embarrassed by things. Tripping at the gas station is so minor. Nothing can top my whole hometown laughing at me.

-Not when I forgot to buckle my belt or do up my zipper and walked in front of a full auditorium of students when I was in college.
-Not when I fell in a parking lot walking to lunch with my co-workers and landed sprawled on my belly.
-Not when I was trying to be cool talking to a guy in the mall and walked right into a pillar.
-Not when I tried to jump over the wet concrete patio stairs at my house and whacked my head on the overhang and landed on my back in the front yard.
-Not when I was boating with a guy I was trying to impress, and as I smiled at him over my shoulder getting off the boat I missed the dock entirely and fell right into the lake.
-Not when I was trying to cross an icy parking lot entrance on foot and kept falling so many times I finally had to crawl the rest of the way in front of a whole bunch of gawking drivers.
-Not when I sent a kiss-up email to my boss and accidentally copied the whole company on it.

And that's not even all.